On My Mind

Growing up in the church, I’ve heard many a sermon on God’s design for our lives – how we each have a purpose – a calling, if you will – and how sometimes, amidst the busy-ness of life – we lose sight of that. I remember Rob sharing on the topic at Facechurch a couple of years ago – and I remember him saying that sometimes the easiest way to get back on track is to remember what we were the most passionate about as kids. Back before everything else got in the way. “Like a child”, the Bible says … (Disclaimer: Please read your Bible for the context of that phrase!)

When I was a kid I was really passionate about playing “Mowgli” with my sister in the “jungle” of suemac trees behind our house – but somehow I don’t think that’s quite what Rob had in mind.

Apart from spending as much time as possible playing in the great outdoors – I was passionate about two things: horses (maybe I should just go ahead and type a big, bold DUH here …) – and writing.

I’ve always been a writer. 

I wrote my first book of poems in first grade. In sixth grade, when everyone else was writing three page short stories for a class assignment – I wrote my first novel. (Granted, it was a pathetic piece of work that starred JTT and Ben Savage – but still!) Throughout high school I continued writing short stories and poems and also discovered my love for blogging :) In university I started writing songs – some of which were actually recorded by friends! - and also began work on my first “real” novel – which, now that I think about it, is still an awesome idea and has been sitting dormant for far too long …

Then – I moved out west, and somewhere along the way – amidst the struggle of making new friends, finding a job, paying my bills, and just LIVING LIFE – I lost that part of me.

I lost that passion.

“I don’t have TIME to write,” is what I told myself.

But the truth is that I just didn’t make the time.

I know that now.

A few months ago I started taking one evening a week – stealing “moments of sanity”, as I call them – to write. It’s usually a Thursday, once Topher is in bed, and once Nathan is at young adults (The Rescue? Is that what they’re calling it these days?). I let the dishes sit in the sink (and on the counter, and the stove and the table sometimes too!) and the dirty clothes stay in the laundry basket (or on the floor …) – and I pull out my journal and my favourite Alberta Equestrian Federation pen – and I just … write.

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually been excited to sit down and write – and these days, that’s exactly how I feel. I used to hate Thursdays (or any other day Nathan had to leave for church right after a hurried dinner!) but now I actually look forward (somewhat) to evenings alone!

And I can’t believe how amazing taking an hour or two one evening a week to do something for myself feels. Why did it take this long for me to see it?

My recent reunion with writing has also led me to do some serious thinking about this lil’ ole’ blog in recent weeks. When I started blogging, it was as a platform for my writing. I posted songs, poems, devotions, transcripts to messages I shared at youth, silly stories – whatever. It was an account of my day to day life, for sure, but it was so much more than that.

And I feel like I’ve lost that.

I think I’ve gotten caught up in the whole popularity contest that blogging can become. Granted, I only have a handful of readers (literally. I think I can count all of you on one hand!) – but that hasn’t stopped me from trying to be … well – trying to be just like everybody else, with my scheduled posts on the topics everyone else is blogging about, with the occasional meme thrown in for good measure.

This blog is going to be changing. 

I’ll still be sharing stories about my day to day life – silly stories about Topher, sappy stories about Nathan (combined with the occasional rant, just to keep things real!), and of course stories about me and what’s happening in my world – but I also want to go deeper.

I want to be honest. Vulnerable. REAL.

Just a few things that have been on my mind lately …