Time to Wonder


Last weekend Nathan led worship at a women's retreat and Ellie and I decided to tag along. It almost felt like an actual vacation, since we only had one child with us and she spent so much time with the ladies!

Saturday night I had a few minutes to myself while the band was practicing. I had absolutely nothing to do besides watch Ellie sleep - and marvel at how perfect she is, how beautiful she is. I found myself wondering how she could already be an entire month old, and yet that night - those few minutes - it was the first time I could remember doing that. Just sitting with her, with nothing else on my mind, no to-do list on the table in front of me.

I'm too busy.

I'm always too busy.

Even Topher tells me that. "Mommy, you're too busy." "Mommy, play with me." "Mommy, sit down and watch a show with me." He doesn't care if the sink is full of dishes and the table is covered in a mountain of papers. It doesn't matter to him if his room is vacuumed once a week or once a month or never - he just wants time with Mommy.

And I'm pretty sure Nathan feels the same way. I don't think he even notices if the coffee table is covered with the remnants of Topher's grape juice and bits of play-doh when he gets home from work - he just wants to spend time with his kids and his wife.

I've been taking care of what I thought were everyone else's needs - but completely missing the point ...

Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least. (Goethe)

So this week I've worked hard at not working hard. I keep reminding myself that I'll always have laundry to fold and dishes to wash but I won't always have a baby to cuddle and a pre-schooler to play with ...

But I have to confess, the sticky juice and play-doh remnants have been wiped up minutes before Nathan gets home every day this week!